A Week and A Process

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and processing.  I don’t really have one specific thought to talk about but instead an interesting (at least I think so) stream of thoughts…

Last week was a doozy.  I think my dress shirt ripping on Monday was a sign.  Like a big one with flashing lights.  It really started on Sunday, I just felt OVERWHELMED.  Overwhelmed by life, how much there is to accomplish, how much I WANT to accomplish, how little time there is, how little control we have, all of it just consumed me.  It made me feel anxious and uneasy, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shake it.

And then I started to feel unmotivated, likely because I felt so overwhelmed.  And that feeling, the one of being unmotivated, resulted in pretty much ZERO workouts last week.  I spent most of Monday and Tuesday beating myself up about being tired, wanting to sleep in and just be home.  Wednesday I taught my yoga class and broke a sweat (I think because it was 85F in the room, not because of actual movement) and then came home to see Michael’s train had been delayed and he missed his yoga class.  We went for an hour-long walk, soaked in the extra hour of daylight and the warmer temps.  I finally felt myself relax.  After that I accepted that this was an “off” week and if I felt unmotivated, tired and overwhelmed that was ok.  Not every week needs to be filled with runs and amazing yoga classes. Sometimes extra snuggles and an extra hour of sleep each night is just as good as  a run.

Friday I spent most of the day texting one of my favorite girlfriends, who in her own way, always makes me realize exactly why I feel the way I do.  And then tries to help me fix it.  I love her.  On my way home I talked my Mom’s ear off and then spent much of the weekend talking Michael’s ear off.  Now, I feel SO much better.  Sometimes I just need my support network to tell me it’s ok to feel the way I do, and help me “fix” it.

Fixing it, leads me to my next thought…seriously, why are some decisions and realizations just so hard to come to!?  I made one big decision and one big realization/acceptance this weekend.  Two things that I have been stressing constantly about for a month.  And you know, the decision and realization I made in the first place (you know, like a month ago) were the right choices for me I just tried to tell myself otherwise.  I tried to tell myself otherwise to make other people happy, instead of just being who I am and making the right choice for MYSELF.  They weren’t easy choices to make but in the end I feel at peace with them.

Earlier in the week I read this incredible article in this month’s Yoga Journal about decluttering your life inside and out.  It talked about emptying your home and closet of the things you don’t need, creating a budget and learning to stick to it and creating a space to live in that promotes clarity of your mind and heart.  The next morning I opened my closet to pick out an outfit and saw all these things holding me down.  Clothes, shoes and accessories I didn’t wear or need anymore and were taking up space in my life.  So this weekend I took some time to purge.  Four garbage bags of stuff later I feel lighter and freer.  I even packed away my heavy winter sweaters and dresses in an effort to help usher in spring.

Last week wasn’t easy or the best but maybe it was just what I needed.  I feel rested, lighter, at peace with my life and am reminded of the incredible people in my life who share their support and wisdom with me.  And for the first time, maybe ever, I’m grateful to be able to challenge myself, sit and examine my feelings and react to them in a healthy way.  This week I’m feeling more centered, and empowered to make choices and manage my stresses no matter what life throws at me.  I’m so ready for the alarm to beep at 5:15am and hit the pavement….I’ve missed my runs.

How do you deal with uncomfortable feelings and times when you feel “off”?

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14 thoughts on “A Week and A Process

  1. Leigha says:

    I get depressed a lot. Actually, I am depressed. I know I’ll get better when this terrible winter is done, but right now it’s hard. I really should clean out my closet. I have so much junk. I’m just trying to figure out life!

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  2. Jess Sutera says:

    Gosh, having that support system is HUGE when for me when it comes to getting out of my head and figuring out what all that ‘stuff’ rolling around up there MEANS. It sometimes takes someone else hearing what’s going on in there for ME to figure it out. So I’m all for blabbing your friend, your boyfriend, your mom’s ear off until you get to the root of it, if that’s what you need to do. I sometimes throw myself into a cleaning tizzy when I’m stressed or upset and my husband is always like WHY are you doing that?? Just chill, you’re stressed, etc. But sometimes I just NEED to do something mindless like that to get my brain to calm down and so I can see things more clearly. It sounds like that closet purge was exactly what you needed to do to purge your mind a bit. I hope you have a much more CLARITY-filled week my friend. ps always here if you need to vent, hope you know that 🙂

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  3. imarunner2012 says:

    We all know this, but a few years ago I realized I had up days and down days. Up weeks and down weeks. We’ve experienced them all of our lives.
    A few years I began to recognize these ups and downs I began to learn how to manage them. When I am feeling down, depressed, out of gas, like the world sucks, those are the times I take a step back and recognize that this is just a down phase. The world is not ending and this dark period will pass. I just ride it out and try not to make any big decisions like quiting my job.
    When I’m on my up swing I understand this phase is temporary also. I try to use these times to get things done, to push harder. I also understand that during these up times I may be more optimistic and enthusiastic than a lot of other people about a variety of things. So I try not to wax phylisophical with people at these times.
    I realize this sounds like manic depression but my highs are not that high and my lows are not that low. It’s more like the tides versus a tsunami.

    I think you need to understand that you will have down times and try to ride them out. All things will pass. If your situation is more clinical then you may need more than my two cents. 😉

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    • liverunloveyoga says:

      Thanks for your comment. I certainly agree, life is definitely full of ups and downs or as I like to say the ebbs and flows. For me personally I think I look at them a bit differently now. My experience in yoga teacher training has taught me to sit with and embrace my feelings and emotions. It’s a new experience for me and something I’m very grateful to be aware of now. Sitting with my emotions, examining my thought processes and making some realizations last week definitely helped me to learn a lot about myself and in the end will help be more of the person I hope to be.

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  4. Christine says:

    Really great post and I definitely needed to read it today. I’ve been feeling much like you described – overwhelmed to the point of unproductive and unmotivated. Right now, I would just like to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. I’m glad that you were able to work through it in what seems like a really mindful way and with such a great support system. And the closet purge? Totally need to do that.

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    • liverunloveyoga says:

      I love that word mindful. Last week was very mindful and I think I learned a lot about myself. Sorry to hear about the recent doctors appointment but don’t let it get you down. I’m sure you’ll move through the thought processes of that in your own way.

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  5. Jolene says:

    I always purge and organize things when I am feeling off, or uber stressy or just all over the place! So we are similar that way. I am glad you thought this out, processed, got some advice from a friend. sometimes it just helps to get it OUT of your head and onto proverbial paper, doesn’t it?

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  6. Dana @ Conscious Kitchen Blog says:

    I’m prepping for a move in about a month and just started going through things and purging what I don’t need. You are right – it is such a huge relief. My bedroom closet is on my list for this week – I can definitely relate to staring into everything in the morning and just being overwhelmed by too much stuff. Happy to hear you are feeling better!

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