I think sometimes life has a way of preparing you for what lies ahead. I started August feeling heavy. I felt bogged down by the all the things in my life. The to-do lists, the commitments, the emails in my inbox, people asking me to do things, it all just seemed like too much. All I wanted in life was to clear things off my plate, to create more space and more time to just be and embrace life as it comes.
I’d been feeling this way on and off for months (like since January). It would come in waves. In the beginning I’d feel like this for a few days and then it’d fade away and I would feel like I could comfortably do it all again. But then the waves started last longer and then they became more frequent and then August came. I knew it was time to make some tough choices, clear my plate and focus on the things that mattered the most to me. Over the past month I’ve made some choices, some easy and some hard.
The first was a mental shift, letting go of this desire to PR in my fall half-marathons. I know, you are probably thinking that this isn’t a big deal. But to me, it is a big deal. I’ve always been such a competitor and when I set a goal I usually don’t rest until I achieve it. People change though and our needs change. Right now, I just need to be out running for myself. I need to spend some time alone with my thoughts, de-stressing and feeling at peace. I don’t need to be worrying about speed workouts, paces and mile times.
The second choice was to take a step back from teaching yoga. This was a hard one for me but I know it’s the right choice. And when I talked it through with M and my closest friend from teacher training and they agreed I knew it was right. Since teacher training ended in January I’ve been teaching early morning (5 to 6am or 6 to 7am) yoga classes before work. It’s been a challenge to give the classes the time and attention they deserve while balancing my very busy and demanding full-time job. Teaching a yoga class isn’t easy- there’s playlists, the sequence, the commitment to the class, being present and giving the students what they need, and the time and energy needed to help grow a new class. It also seemed that the busier my schedule got, the more I hoped my class would get cancelled and I would have the morning to myself or I wouldn’t have to spend time at night after a busy day writing a class when I’d really just be relaxing and decompressing. And then one day as I eased my students into savasana I realized I would much rather be relaxing on my back than leading the class. I’d really rather be deepening my own practice, lost in my own body than leading these students through their journey. I realized that I need to be on the mat practicing more now than in front of the class leading. In a way, it’s giving less and nurturing myself more. I know at some point I’ll be ready to teach again, to give back to my students again and when that time comes I plan to find a class where I’ll feel fulfilled teaching. Until then, you can find me on the mat deepening my own practice and soaking in all that yoga can give us.
The last choice was to scale back here on the blog. When I started LiveRunLoveYoga I was at the beginning of a career change and I viewed my blog as way to build credibility in the world of running, yoga and healthy living. I’d work all day and then come home to blog, find opportunities and build a name for myself. I very much viewed my blog as a business, as my ticket to a new career. And then last September I landed an amazing job that I absolutely love. Now I build my career everyday at work and I talk about running and yoga all day. I no longer post every week just because I have to and I no longer feel that there is some standard or amount of posting I need to uphold. I’ve simply decided that I’ll be posting when I feel motivated and inspired and have the time to write quality content for you to read.
I’m feeling good as enter into September and welcome the fall. I feel lighter, less committed, more motivated and inspired by the things I love. As we enter into the fall, I look to the future and see so many big changes, challenges and exciting things ahead (more on those soon I promise!) and I feel like I’ve created space in my life to embrace all of this while having healthy outlets to de-stress, have fun and enjoy the things I love. As I always say, the balance of life is always shifting and changing and we need to adapt and flow with it to keep a healthy balance in our lives.