I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and processing. I don’t really have one specific thought to talk about but instead an interesting (at least I think so) stream of thoughts…
Last week was a doozy. I think my dress shirt ripping on Monday was a sign. Like a big one with flashing lights. It really started on Sunday, I just felt OVERWHELMED. Overwhelmed by life, how much there is to accomplish, how much I WANT to accomplish, how little time there is, how little control we have, all of it just consumed me. It made me feel anxious and uneasy, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shake it.
And then I started to feel unmotivated, likely because I felt so overwhelmed. And that feeling, the one of being unmotivated, resulted in pretty much ZERO workouts last week. I spent most of Monday and Tuesday beating myself up about being tired, wanting to sleep in and just be home. Wednesday I taught my yoga class and broke a sweat (I think because it was 85F in the room, not because of actual movement) and then came home to see Michael’s train had been delayed and he missed his yoga class. We went for an hour-long walk, soaked in the extra hour of daylight and the warmer temps. I finally felt myself relax. After that I accepted that this was an “off” week and if I felt unmotivated, tired and overwhelmed that was ok. Not every week needs to be filled with runs and amazing yoga classes. Sometimes extra snuggles and an extra hour of sleep each night is just as good as a run.
Friday I spent most of the day texting one of my favorite girlfriends, who in her own way, always makes me realize exactly why I feel the way I do. And then tries to help me fix it. I love her. On my way home I talked my Mom’s ear off and then spent much of the weekend talking Michael’s ear off. Now, I feel SO much better. Sometimes I just need my support network to tell me it’s ok to feel the way I do, and help me “fix” it.
Fixing it, leads me to my next thought…seriously, why are some decisions and realizations just so hard to come to!? I made one big decision and one big realization/acceptance this weekend. Two things that I have been stressing constantly about for a month. And you know, the decision and realization I made in the first place (you know, like a month ago) were the right choices for me I just tried to tell myself otherwise. I tried to tell myself otherwise to make other people happy, instead of just being who I am and making the right choice for MYSELF. They weren’t easy choices to make but in the end I feel at peace with them.
Earlier in the week I read this incredible article in this month’s Yoga Journal about decluttering your life inside and out. It talked about emptying your home and closet of the things you don’t need, creating a budget and learning to stick to it and creating a space to live in that promotes clarity of your mind and heart. The next morning I opened my closet to pick out an outfit and saw all these things holding me down. Clothes, shoes and accessories I didn’t wear or need anymore and were taking up space in my life. So this weekend I took some time to purge. Four garbage bags of stuff later I feel lighter and freer. I even packed away my heavy winter sweaters and dresses in an effort to help usher in spring.
Last week wasn’t easy or the best but maybe it was just what I needed. I feel rested, lighter, at peace with my life and am reminded of the incredible people in my life who share their support and wisdom with me. And for the first time, maybe ever, I’m grateful to be able to challenge myself, sit and examine my feelings and react to them in a healthy way. This week I’m feeling more centered, and empowered to make choices and manage my stresses no matter what life throws at me. I’m so ready for the alarm to beep at 5:15am and hit the pavement….I’ve missed my runs.